Usually see this thread pop up around patch day, figure I'll do the honors this time.
DO:
-Set a long skill training. A couple days should do ya. Hopefully.
-Read the patch notes. You want to know what is changing, so you can be prepared next time you log on.
-If CCP lets you download the update before the servers go live, do it. It's easier on the hamsters...
-Realize that you can in fact live without EVE for a day or two, take a few deep breaths and calm down.
-No really, EVE isn't actually your life. Chill out.
-Poast lolcats to pass the time, discuss the symbolism and metaphor found in Firefly, and rant about how fox was ******ed for canceling that show and you'll never forgive them, and you hope that the guy who made that decision comes home to find nathan fillon in bed his wife, daughter, and morena baccarin at the same time, goes out to his car to leave, runs over his dog, and then gets hit by a garbage truck as he cries over his dead best friend while listening to the impressively audible intercourse going on across the street in his own house. And then has to watch american idol reruns in hell for all eternity.
Anyway...
DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES:
-Hop online as soon as the server goes up, change all 15 of your accounts to 20 minute skills, and then go start running level 4's in your pimped out navy raven.
-Disregard the above advice, and then come to the forums to ***** and moan about how CCP won't replace your ship or reimburse your lost training time because the server went down for a 6 hour unplanned downtime. (They won't by the way.)
-***** and moan on the forums about how you should get reimbursed for the lost days you paid for. You're not original. You're not witty. And no, you're not getting your money back.
-***** and moan on the forums when the patch takes a few hours longer than planned. (sh)it happens.
-***** and moan on the forums because you don't like the new features, you won't use the new features, there aren't enough new features, or because CCP didn't give you a blowjob even though you created a petition expressly demanding one.
-***** and moan on the forums about how (Insert any rant that is a poorly disguised attempt at blaming CCP for your pitiful failure at finding any kind of real, meaningful happiness in your life.)
-Spend too much time in the sun at first. You'll burn, and then peel, and then probably go back to being pasty white. You have to wear sunscreen, and do it gradually so you can tan a little bit first.
-Go looking for tritanium IRL. I looked everywhere, they don't have it.
-You don't get killmails IRL either. (Think that's planned for an upcoming patch.)
-Load up WoW.
Think that pretty much covers it. Not that I actually expect the people who most need to to read it... But hey it makes me feel better about myself.
