Tingham
In Cryo Sleep
Heres the Deal.
Im bored. Ive done a lot of writing, usually as a columnist for local and university newspapers.
So ive decided to re-write Lord of the Rings to contain as many of the haven guild as I can.
Heres the preview. Ill then do it in 10 or so parts. One every week or so.
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Midge turned the bracer over and over in his hands. It didn’t look particularly special. It didn’t even look very impressive…it was just a dull, slightly rusty, grey bracer.
It had been given to him by his Uncle Kershan years ago. Now he came to think about it, in fact, It had been given to him long before his Uncle had even departed for Ashenvale. Then, all of a sudden this…thing had turned up and asked him if he still had it.
It was hard to visualise in his head now what the thing looked like. All he could remember was a very large, very angry owl. But when he thought about it.. It was human sized, wasn’t it? And human shaped too. ..but definitely covered in feathers. It was all certainly very strange.
Midge was a fairly normal sort of sixteen year old Hobbit. He lived in a hole, he had hairy feet, he was about 5 feet tall, he was completely covered in coarse hair and had a nose ring through his….well, through his nose. He was also, and we can say this with certainty, Bovine.
He had never been a particularly loud or objectionable Hobbit, but his habit of taking long walks into the woods had left most of the village with a faint disregard for him. As a result, he spend most of time with his best friend and gardener , a tiny Hobbit with a laid back attitude and a slow, laconic drawl - coupled with a sharp wit. Despite his tiny stature, no more than 4 feet tall, he was called (without evident irony) Titan.
He was, at this moment, between examining the bracer and shouting at Titan to mind his bush, making Tea. Hobbits were, to the untrained eye, cows. They were in fact also cows to the trained eye.
This isn’t to say there weren’t civilised, of course. It was just that everything they ate contained, in some way, grass.
Just as he was sitting down to his meal of grass clippings, grass cuttings with a side order of loose, natural, grass salad and tea. (Darjeeling, with grass) there came an enormous knock at the door.
Midge liked his grass as much as the next Hobbit (Which is to say : a lot) and he resented being disturbed at such a critical point in the day. And so , sighing, he got up. Pausing only to readjust his nose ring and powder his horns, he opened the door.
“Oh no, its you. The….the….the Thing.” He said.
“Yep. Thingy” said the apparition on the other side of the door, “Do you still have it?”
“The Bracer? Yes, yes, I’ve still got it. I don’t know why, though, any sensible person would have thrown it away ages ago. I cant think why I didn’t” Said Midge. Walking back towards his table.
“I can” Said Thingy. He was a good deal taller than Midge, and his beak made a resounding thud as it hit the light.
Im bored. Ive done a lot of writing, usually as a columnist for local and university newspapers.
So ive decided to re-write Lord of the Rings to contain as many of the haven guild as I can.
Heres the preview. Ill then do it in 10 or so parts. One every week or so.
---------------------------------------------
Midge turned the bracer over and over in his hands. It didn’t look particularly special. It didn’t even look very impressive…it was just a dull, slightly rusty, grey bracer.
It had been given to him by his Uncle Kershan years ago. Now he came to think about it, in fact, It had been given to him long before his Uncle had even departed for Ashenvale. Then, all of a sudden this…thing had turned up and asked him if he still had it.
It was hard to visualise in his head now what the thing looked like. All he could remember was a very large, very angry owl. But when he thought about it.. It was human sized, wasn’t it? And human shaped too. ..but definitely covered in feathers. It was all certainly very strange.
Midge was a fairly normal sort of sixteen year old Hobbit. He lived in a hole, he had hairy feet, he was about 5 feet tall, he was completely covered in coarse hair and had a nose ring through his….well, through his nose. He was also, and we can say this with certainty, Bovine.
He had never been a particularly loud or objectionable Hobbit, but his habit of taking long walks into the woods had left most of the village with a faint disregard for him. As a result, he spend most of time with his best friend and gardener , a tiny Hobbit with a laid back attitude and a slow, laconic drawl - coupled with a sharp wit. Despite his tiny stature, no more than 4 feet tall, he was called (without evident irony) Titan.
He was, at this moment, between examining the bracer and shouting at Titan to mind his bush, making Tea. Hobbits were, to the untrained eye, cows. They were in fact also cows to the trained eye.
This isn’t to say there weren’t civilised, of course. It was just that everything they ate contained, in some way, grass.
Just as he was sitting down to his meal of grass clippings, grass cuttings with a side order of loose, natural, grass salad and tea. (Darjeeling, with grass) there came an enormous knock at the door.
Midge liked his grass as much as the next Hobbit (Which is to say : a lot) and he resented being disturbed at such a critical point in the day. And so , sighing, he got up. Pausing only to readjust his nose ring and powder his horns, he opened the door.
“Oh no, its you. The….the….the Thing.” He said.
“Yep. Thingy” said the apparition on the other side of the door, “Do you still have it?”
“The Bracer? Yes, yes, I’ve still got it. I don’t know why, though, any sensible person would have thrown it away ages ago. I cant think why I didn’t” Said Midge. Walking back towards his table.
“I can” Said Thingy. He was a good deal taller than Midge, and his beak made a resounding thud as it hit the light.
