[DF] Year Four - Year of the Drunken Irishdwarf

Nanor

Nanor

Well-Known Member
1st Granite: WHY ARE THERE SO MANY COWS? I arrived to the fort with the dreams of being greeted by drink, wenches and treasure. What do I get? Cows, dogs and cats. It was bad enough having to sneak in because we're under siege. Bah.

I can't actually see any goblins.

2nd Granite: HAHA! Three goblins are beating the crap out of a cat. I only spy three goblins. In my drunken wisdom I open the drawbridge to try lure some fools in. In my drunken wisdom I can not find the lever. I WILL FIND IT LATER.

3rd Granite: I name an armor stand north of the drawbridge "ARMOR STAND DA GREAT".

I find the lever to open the bridge. BRING IT YOU GREEN SKINNED BASTARDS. I mean, there are only three.

4th Granite: OK. THERE ARE MORE THAN THREE. CLOSE THE BRIDGE. CLOSE THE BRIDGE.

NOT THAT ONE. THE OTHER ONE. I don't care if you can't attend a party because of a fey mood. AHHHHHH CLOSE IT DAMNIT.

5th Granite: I have closed the bridge. I will go down in the annals of history for my heroic defence.

A goblin cuts of a cats ear after the entire army chases it. IDIOTS.

I'm going to the pub now. Be back later. :)
 
Ghostwolf67

Ghostwolf67

Well-Known Member
The cows were for milking and the bulls were for making more cows for milking. I wanted to be a cattle rancher.
 
Xarlaxas

Xarlaxas

Active Member
But think of the cheese! Delicious cheese!

We could have a fancy dwarven wine and cheese party!
 
Nanor

Nanor

Well-Known Member
11th Granite: A loan goblin comes to the gates to taunt us. My marksdwarves stand idle. They have no bolts. I order a cow to be slaughtered in anger and I jump on a cat. HAHA.

I walk down into the crafting hall. My eyes are bleeding. I order the creation of shit loads of iron bolts. If we are to defeat these green bastards it'll be with good equipment, ya hear?

12th Granite: Dwarfy McAsshat has created a legendary mug. I drink ale from it. He weeps.

16th Granite: I put all the military on inactive. There's no point in having them stand there like fools while the walls hold them in. I'll put them in training soon. War's coming boyos.

24th Granite: OK what the ale. We have nearly 700 bolts. Why won't you cretins pick them up!
 
Nanor

Nanor

Well-Known Member
Yeah, I was using that. It directed me to the ammunition menu. That took a bit of searching.

Anyways, I'm off class for the week so I'm going to go get my drink on. I'll probably not be updating 'til Saturday.
 
Nanor

Nanor

Well-Known Member
22nd Slate: BEST. PLAN. EVER. I'm going to line the front of the outer drawbridge with traps and war dogs. I'm going to line the watchtower with marksdwarves. I'm going to get some unlucky dwarf to run out, make stupid faces at the goblins then lead them back to the watch tower.

He'll probably die but WHO CARES. I'll live.

2nd Felsite: More like felSHITE. The goblins are running towards the gate. I bed 20 gallons of ale the dwarves are too retarded to close the lever in time despite the fact it is RIGHT BESIDE YOU, BOMREK. Troops are being mobilised.

3rd Felsite: We closed it in time. Rakust is stuck outside. Teehee. A marksdwarf fires at a goblin, breaking his right leg with a bolt.

Rakust has been drafted into the military. I threw a cap at him over the ramparts and wished him good luck. I advised him to get behind the traps I had place. I'm not sure if he heard me over the melee.

4th Felsite: Rakust died but only after A FULL DAY OF FIGHTING! Good man, Rakust. Wait he can't hear me. He died.

On the brightside the goblins are standing outside the gate while our dwarves take shots at them. The down side, however, is that these dwarves seem to be utterly retarded and couldn't hit a barn door with some sort of barn hitting device.

5th Felsite: Sibrek "Grows attached to his iron crossbow". Aww. Well, if Sibrek doesn't go pick up some fucking bolts he'll be physically attached to the damn thing.

The marksdwarves go off for a tea party. Outside the gate is covered in blood and vomit. Reminds me of the time I lost my virginity.

8th Felsite: One of the fisherdwarves apparently sneaked out when the gate was open. The goblins found him and now he is a bloody corpse by the lake. Reminds me of the second time I had sex.

12th Felsite: All the goblins are merrily chasing a dwarf threw the meadows. Shouldn't have gotten locked out then! Oh, there he goes.

16th Felsite: An Eleven caravan from... ... ARRIVES! Huzzah!

19th Felsite: Oh, they're gone. Yup. Goblins are gone. Cool.
 
Nanor

Nanor

Well-Known Member
4th Hematite: These animals will not stop crapping out smaller versions of themselves.

16th Hematite: Bought some buckets and beer off the elves.

19th Hematite: I'm building a marksdwarves range in the bottom left of the outside.

21st Hematite: Now that the goblins are all gone, the marksdwarves will not stop defending the tower, picking up their equipment and generally being competent. Great.

25th Hematite: Managed to get the tools training.

11th Malachite: I tell the marksdwarves to go kill a fox. THEY OBEY! GO MY MINIONS.

20th Malachite: I'm in the process of creating a devious trap. I've created a small, multi-doored shed out in front of the outer drawbridge. The doors are all linked to a lever that will open the doors when pulled. I've assigned the shed as a pit and I'm going to stick all manner of ugly animals in there and pull it when goblins get too close.

8 Migrants have arrived.
 
Nanor

Nanor

Well-Known Member
23rd Galena: Bought a barrel of dog blood for the sheer fucking novelty. Bought some copper bolts as well.

11th Limestone: The dog.. hole.. shed thing is complete. The lever to open it is beside the draw bridge lever ones. Furthest right. Needs more dogs in it though.

21st Limestone: Ast is taken by a fey mood. I tell him to kiss my ast. HAHHAHA.

27th Limestone: Ast creates a single bronze high boot. Good lad. I've ordered the construction of a second catapult to be position.. Ah fuck. More migrants.

17th Sandstone: God it's quiet. Got some dwarves to kill some deer. I'm smearing myself in deer blood. Getting strange looks.

I'm going to pass this on guys. I'm off to bed. The hangover from Paddy's week is wrecking me. Nothing really to make note off. Sieges are no problem. Just get some dwarf to get their attention then bring them to the main gates. Have the marksdwarves pick them off and the war dogs nibble them down. They'll either go away or be weak enough to allow your hand-to-hand squads to take them down a notch. I'd recommend beefing up the marksdwarf squad a bit.

Maybe it's time for a massive construction?

Anyway, enjoy. :)
 
Xarlaxas

Xarlaxas

Active Member
I vote for Zoogy to take this week if he can, I have a job meeting, presentation, and a research proposal to do. . . .
 
Zooggy

Zooggy

Junior Administrator
Staff member
Hey, :)

I can, but my definition of "week" is going to have to be a bit lax. :) It's possible I will only be able to complete this on Sunday afternoon...

Cheers,
J.
 
Ronin Storm

Ronin Storm

Administrator
Staff member
I'm starting a new piece of work this week. And needing to sort my finances. Not a good week for DF for me.

Trax, would you normally come after Zooggy? If so, you could take this next one, then Xar, then Zooggy, then me...
 
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