Pwnstar
Member
Not to mention. You talk like a fag, and your shit's all retarded.
I need the advice of the THN brain trust
- Thread starter Tempscire
- Start date
Spicypixel
New Member
[mod]Right, I was nicer about it before. Less nice now. Generally pretty relaxed about banter, but not in the Soap Box. Keep it respectful and useful or take it elsewhere, preferably off board.[/mod]
Silk
Well-Known Member
Sounds like she can't decide between two guys, or wants to have her cake and eat it. She isn't commiting to you or giving you the monogamous relationship you seem to want.
My advice:
1, Use her as much as she uses you, enjoy her company but don't let it rule your life.
2, As long as she is bouncing betweeen partners, try to not get/stay too emotionally attached.
3, See other women. Date. Two benefits; The original chick will probably start to fear "losing" you and might finally commit to you. Or, you'll find another girl who you like even more who will commit to you. In either case you are out there getting on with your life, which from sounds of it is what you need.
You are too hung up on this chick, and from how she is acting I would say she isn't as into you as you are into her. If she were, she'd have "chosen" you by now, without hesitation.
My advice:
1, Use her as much as she uses you, enjoy her company but don't let it rule your life.
2, As long as she is bouncing betweeen partners, try to not get/stay too emotionally attached.
3, See other women. Date. Two benefits; The original chick will probably start to fear "losing" you and might finally commit to you. Or, you'll find another girl who you like even more who will commit to you. In either case you are out there getting on with your life, which from sounds of it is what you need.
You are too hung up on this chick, and from how she is acting I would say she isn't as into you as you are into her. If she were, she'd have "chosen" you by now, without hesitation.
Pwnstar
Member
Nanor
Well-Known Member
I was in a similar position where a femme fatale had grabbed me by the heart. We met about this time last year and I coulda swore it was love at first sight. She's one of the only girls that I actually wanted to have a conversation with. We had the same sort of humour and got on like a couple of horny teenagers. Of course, I thought it was love. Obviously it wasn't. Couple of months into the relationship she got bored. We wouldn't do anything together, communication was purely through texting and we barely saw eachother. I couldn't understand what the fuck was going on. I'd wake up every morning and throw up. Every morning. I couldn't sleep and if I did I'd wake up about 7AM every morning. I was apathetic and pretty blue. Bitch had gone and triggered my genetic pre-disposition to depression!
Anyway, I went to the doctors about it and he hooked me up with some fine SSRIs. I physically started to get back to normal though mentally I was a wreck. I was still in the relationship at this stage. I needed to find ways to vent it. I tried ignoring her, I tried being super nice to her, I tried being a dick to her and my personal favourite; cheated on her 5 times with 5 separate women. Needless to say it didn't help. She never found out but it didn't relieve any pain. I couldn't figure out why she was being this way. It went from hot to cold seemingly overnight.
One night I was out with mates having a good time and by coincidence she was out. I went over to say hello, as you do to your girlfriend. She said hello and completely blanked me and left the club. Well saying I broke down is an understatement. I went home and wept but my friends were there to help me. Being drunk didn't help.
Next day I decided to man the fuck up and confront her. I text her asking could I call over. She made up some excuse but I told her "I don't plan to stay long". So I went over and explained to her she made me feel like shit. She seemed a bit guilty and apologised. We ended the relationship there on quite good terms. We hugged and I left. I felt fucking great. I went home and played Nazi Zombies and had a wank. Then I went out and stuck my dick in some girl. It was hot.
TLDR; Not knowing is the worst thing you can put yourself through. At least if you know something you can act on it. If you have any questions you need answered damn well ask her them.
Let us know how it goes and good luck.
Anyway, I went to the doctors about it and he hooked me up with some fine SSRIs. I physically started to get back to normal though mentally I was a wreck. I was still in the relationship at this stage. I needed to find ways to vent it. I tried ignoring her, I tried being super nice to her, I tried being a dick to her and my personal favourite; cheated on her 5 times with 5 separate women. Needless to say it didn't help. She never found out but it didn't relieve any pain. I couldn't figure out why she was being this way. It went from hot to cold seemingly overnight.
One night I was out with mates having a good time and by coincidence she was out. I went over to say hello, as you do to your girlfriend. She said hello and completely blanked me and left the club. Well saying I broke down is an understatement. I went home and wept but my friends were there to help me. Being drunk didn't help.
Next day I decided to man the fuck up and confront her. I text her asking could I call over. She made up some excuse but I told her "I don't plan to stay long". So I went over and explained to her she made me feel like shit. She seemed a bit guilty and apologised. We ended the relationship there on quite good terms. We hugged and I left. I felt fucking great. I went home and played Nazi Zombies and had a wank. Then I went out and stuck my dick in some girl. It was hot.
TLDR; Not knowing is the worst thing you can put yourself through. At least if you know something you can act on it. If you have any questions you need answered damn well ask her them.
Let us know how it goes and good luck.
Ki!ler-Mk1
Active Member
/envy, or rather how the fuck do ya do that. Was she a whore?
Wol
In Cryo Sleep
Ki!ler-Mk1
Active Member
Im sorry, that was insensitive. I should have been PC and said prostitute.
Pingue
Member
In an attempt to bring the conversation back round to normality:
I've been exactly where you are now (and I think seeing how much everyone else is empathising in the same way is some cause not to be too disheartened), but all I can offer is from my own experience.
After a couple of years of being where you are, I (quite overnight) decided that enough was enough and called things off. It was quite probably the most difficult thing I've ever done, but (as seems to be a recurring factor) the key was communication. We sat down and had a good two/three hours talking things out, and did the same the following day. As someone (can't remember who, sorry), said, it's probably easier to write down your concerns beforehand, which made getting how I felt across pretty damned difficult without doing so.
Long cut short, for me, I still believe I was lucky in that things worked out. We're still really good friends and meet up whenever we can, and we both know where we stand with each other, which (imho) is always the best position to be in.
Again, this is only my personal experience, and while I can't generalise, being totally honest with my feelings turned out to be the best solution for me. Again, let us know how things go!
I've been exactly where you are now (and I think seeing how much everyone else is empathising in the same way is some cause not to be too disheartened), but all I can offer is from my own experience.
After a couple of years of being where you are, I (quite overnight) decided that enough was enough and called things off. It was quite probably the most difficult thing I've ever done, but (as seems to be a recurring factor) the key was communication. We sat down and had a good two/three hours talking things out, and did the same the following day. As someone (can't remember who, sorry), said, it's probably easier to write down your concerns beforehand, which made getting how I felt across pretty damned difficult without doing so.
Long cut short, for me, I still believe I was lucky in that things worked out. We're still really good friends and meet up whenever we can, and we both know where we stand with each other, which (imho) is always the best position to be in.
Again, this is only my personal experience, and while I can't generalise, being totally honest with my feelings turned out to be the best solution for me. Again, let us know how things go!
Belegon
In Cryo Sleep
1) I'd suggest that the ex/boyfriend is a "controller" if he has had a violent past and has hit her, it could be a possible fear of leaving him for fear of what he may do - maybe he's even blackmailing or threatening her.
You, as the sensitive, caring fun guy are the opposite - a safety net - one she can go too to feel wanted and comforted, almost a "holiday" from the norm.
Being in this position before i can tell you it will 90% lead to hurt. Generally Women who are abused and made to feel worthless tend to keep in that little niche, and getting out of it is something they are either unable to do - or too scared to try. - meaning she will likely stay with the abusee for fear of reprisal - coming to you periodically for some self worth before restarting the cycle.
2) Because you are a genuine, honest guy - you care for her, you want to make her feel happy. The thought of her staying with that Nincompoop (<- insert apt swear word) boils your blood. You can't help it, it may be how she wants you to feel, to keep you "on call" as it seems.
3) Tread carefully, outline what YOU want, or my guess she will go back with the ex/boyfriend. My guess is, if you tell her you want no commitment she will go back to him - if she doesn't perhaps it is genuine that she wants to be with you - other wise its the safety net thing again.
4) Yes, it involved alot of heartache and me joining the Navy to get away from it all! (not females....... ;D) I had a 3) happen, she was still with the abusee and eventully left me again for him. However my "leaving for the forces drink" did, as fate had it lead me to a pub he they where drinking at the time. His smile is a lot less pretty now!
If you have even the slightest feeling you are going to be hurt, i'd say stay away. But as i thought at the time, whats a burn, if not a realy cool scar!
I kinda wish i hadn't now.
Hope this helps
Tempscire
Active Member
Thanks for all the helpful comments guys.
I think I've pretty much resolved to see how it plays out over the next week or so then, if I feel no better about the situation, have a talk with her. I honestly don't think this would be such a problem if not for the fact that I work with her and see her every day. It's hard to get closure when you're confronted with the person every day.
I think I've pretty much resolved to see how it plays out over the next week or so then, if I feel no better about the situation, have a talk with her. I honestly don't think this would be such a problem if not for the fact that I work with her and see her every day. It's hard to get closure when you're confronted with the person every day.