The joke thread
- Thread starter Dragon
- Start date
Angelic
Active Member
Actually, wrong. That would be dada postmen.
AcidK
New Member
Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.
Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.
The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.
By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The blonde shouts, "fire!!"
Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.
The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.
By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The blonde shouts, "fire!!"
Tetsuo_Shima
In Cryo Sleep
What's a Chinese dentist's favourite time of day?
Two-thirty!
Two-thirty!
T-Bone
In Cryo Sleep
NERD JOKE TIME!
A man walks into a bar, goes to the bartender and says, "Give me ten times the number of drinks everyone has in this bar!"
The bartender says, "Wow. That's an order of magnitude."
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer, the second - half of a beer. The third orders a quarter of a beer and the fourth - an eighth of a beer and so on.
The Bartender sighs and pours two beers.
Why do programmers get Halloween and Christmas mixed up?
Because OCT31 = DEC25
why aren't jokes in octal funny?
because 7 10 11
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate!
particle physics gives me a hadron
Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek. Einstein is it, closes his eyes, counts to 10 then opens them.
Pascal is no where to be seen.
Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He's sitting in a box drawn on the ground, a meter to a side.
Einstein says "Newton, you're terrible, I've found you!"
Newton says "No no, Einy. You've found one Newton per square meter. You've found Pascal!"
Heisenberg was pulled over by a police officer, who asked him, “do you know how fast you were going?” Heisenberg replied, “No, but I know exactly where I am.”
The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar. It was a tense moment.
Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
A: They're cheaper than day rates
Q. What do you do when a chemist dies?
A. Barium
/flex
A man walks into a bar, goes to the bartender and says, "Give me ten times the number of drinks everyone has in this bar!"
The bartender says, "Wow. That's an order of magnitude."
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer, the second - half of a beer. The third orders a quarter of a beer and the fourth - an eighth of a beer and so on.
The Bartender sighs and pours two beers.
Why do programmers get Halloween and Christmas mixed up?
Because OCT31 = DEC25
why aren't jokes in octal funny?
because 7 10 11
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate!
particle physics gives me a hadron
Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek. Einstein is it, closes his eyes, counts to 10 then opens them.
Pascal is no where to be seen.
Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He's sitting in a box drawn on the ground, a meter to a side.
Einstein says "Newton, you're terrible, I've found you!"
Newton says "No no, Einy. You've found one Newton per square meter. You've found Pascal!"
Heisenberg was pulled over by a police officer, who asked him, “do you know how fast you were going?” Heisenberg replied, “No, but I know exactly where I am.”
The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar. It was a tense moment.
Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
A: They're cheaper than day rates
Q. What do you do when a chemist dies?
A. Barium
/flex
Tetsuo_Shima
In Cryo Sleep
Ah, a good collection. Here's another:
A particle is walking down the pavement, whistling along tunelessly to himself, when another particle comes running in the opposite direction at a rate of knots and bumps into the first.
"Hey, watch where you're going! You just knocked off one of my electrons you bloody imbecile!" says the first
"One of your electrons? Are you sure?"
"Mate, I'm positive!"
A particle is walking down the pavement, whistling along tunelessly to himself, when another particle comes running in the opposite direction at a rate of knots and bumps into the first.
"Hey, watch where you're going! You just knocked off one of my electrons you bloody imbecile!" says the first
"One of your electrons? Are you sure?"
"Mate, I'm positive!"
Brighthorn
In Cryo Sleep
don't know this expression yet ducked it - could i get an explanation so i'll learn something new and a slight chance for a little laugh? thx
thatbloke
Junior Administrator
don't know this expression yet ducked it - could i get an explanation so i'll learn something new and a slight chance for a little laugh? thx
to "duck" something means to dodge it, normally by crouching or going under whatever obstacle is in the way.
Brighthorn
In Cryo Sleep
ah okay then... still don't get it, dunno... obviously "to duck" is not unfamiliar to me, i did at least play lots of HL but i thought it was used in some more slangish way, unfortunately for me, it doesn't seem it was the case anyway thx
but i thought it was used in some more slangish way, unfortunately for me, it doesn't seem it was the case anyway thx
Time for yet a horrible joke then!
How many Blizzard Game Masters does it take to change a light-bulb?
None. Working as intended.
Angelic
Active Member
Oh come on, Fae, that's AGES old! That might even be older than Raz!
