The joke thread
- Thread starter Dragon
- Start date
Panda with issues...
Well-Known Member
ughhhhh
thatbloke
Junior Administrator
The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.
Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador. "Really" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind"
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse.
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid, then I was petrified.
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin. 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!!
My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!! Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.
Went around to a friend's house today. His wife was there with their new-born baby. She asked if I'd like to wind it. I thought that was a bit harsh so I gave it a dead leg instead.
I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.
I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself 'that guy's heading for a breakdown.'
On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said 'English speaking Doctor'. I thought, 'What a good idea, why don't we have them in our country?'
Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador. "Really" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind"
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse.
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid, then I was petrified.
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin. 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!!
My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!! Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.
Went around to a friend's house today. His wife was there with their new-born baby. She asked if I'd like to wind it. I thought that was a bit harsh so I gave it a dead leg instead.
I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.
I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself 'that guy's heading for a breakdown.'
On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said 'English speaking Doctor'. I thought, 'What a good idea, why don't we have them in our country?'
Huung
Well-Known Member
Hoy,
I need a hand with two of these:
The other ones were cool.
Cheers,
J.
Labradors are one of the common breeds of choice for guide dogs for the blind.
Winding a baby - as in, to burp it. You can also wind someone (usually not a baby) by punching them under the ribs. The joke was instead of winding (in the violent sense) the baby, they just punched it in the leg instead.
Dragon
Well-Known Member
Hi,
I like it when my friends' wishes come true.
They had wished me and my family a merry christmas, so I stuffed the turkey with Prozac!
Cheers,
J.
I don't get it
Angelic
Active Member
Panda with issues...
Well-Known Member
Why don't boxers have sex before a fight?
Because they don't like each other...
Because they don't like each other...
Traxata
Junior Administrator
bacon
Well-Known Member
I'm not going to click that while at work.