The joke thread

thatbloke

thatbloke

Junior Administrator
A wife asks her husband, a software engineer...

Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6!" A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?" He replied, "They had eggs."
 
Dragon

Dragon

Well-Known Member
"You can ask Rick Astley for any Pixar movie you want to borrow, but he will never give you Up!"
 
Zooggy

Zooggy

Junior Administrator
Staff member
Hey, :)

The bartender replies, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve time travellers here."
A time traveller walks into a bar...

Cheers,
J.
 
Panda with issues...

Panda with issues...

Well-Known Member
One I found funny that I heard from a mate:

'I walked into the toilet at the pub the other night and saw a man was pissing in a urinal, so I headed to a cubicle. Before I got there, the man laughed and said: 'What's the matter lad? Embarrassed about the size of your penis? Too embarrassed to use a urinal?'

'No' I said, and lined up at the urinal. He stopped laughing pretty quickly after I pulled my pants down and shat straight into the urinal, looking him dead in the eye
 
Zooggy

Zooggy

Junior Administrator
Staff member
Hoy, :)

Warning: poor taste and possibly offensive.

Never high-five a rabi!

Cheers,
J.
 
AcidK

AcidK

New Member
I know this one may be a bit old by now, but still funny:


How much drugs did Charlie Sheen actually take?
Enough to kill 2 And A Half Men.... Literally
 
Dragon

Dragon

Well-Known Member
I want to have three kids and name them Ctrl Alt and Delete ... so if they fuck up I can hit them all at once!
 
Solemn

Solemn

New Member
A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week, so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.

One problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.

Once he understood, the parrot started shouting in the middle of the show.

"Look, it's not the same hat!"
"Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table."
"Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"

The magician was furious, but couldn't do anything. It was,
After all, the captain's parrot.

Then the ship sank.
The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle
Of the sea with, as fate would have it, the parrot. They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and then another and then another.

Finally on the fourth day, the parrot could not hold back:

"OK, I give up. Where's the ship?"
 
comrade_phil

comrade_phil

Member
Rude joke time...
Couple having sex when their son walks in, screams, runs out.

Wife says to husband, "You'd better go talk to him".

Husband goes to son's room and finds his son having sex with his gran. Dad screams.

The son turns around and says, "See, it's not so funny when it's YOUR mum!"
 
Dragon

Dragon

Well-Known Member
A female police officer arrests a man for drunk driving.
The female officer tells the man, "Sir, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be held against you..."
The drunk replies: "Tits."
 
thatbloke

thatbloke

Junior Administrator
A polar bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender: "I'll have a brandy .................................................................................................................................................................................. and coke."

The bartender asks: "What's with the big pause?"

The bear responds: "I dunno. I've always had them."
 
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